COULDA, WOULDA, SHOULDA - My daddy passes away, reflections, and a question for you

APRIL 6, 2013

An article that I found quite introspective. Even though the last part is a plug for a specific form of healing therapy called EFT, but I found the language persuasive, and relevant to me. 

“If you could live your life over, what person or event would you prefer to skip?” is a question we use in EFT to find core issues.

Most of the time, the answers and how they relate to current emotional problems are obvious. It’s truly amazing how much many of us have learned to cleverly (or not so much) use will power to ‘avoid’ feeling. We will ourselves to ‘forget’ an event, or the wrong doing of another, thinking that the high emotions we felt will just ‘disappear’ too.

We discount the need to learn about nutrition and self-care because we’re doing ‘just fine’ or ‘natural is not for everyone’… Then, we start having back aches, migraines,’weird’ anxiety attacks, or even out-of-the-blue diagnosis.

MY FATHER’S ‘UNEXPECTED’ CANCER

Speaking of out-of-the-blue diagnosis, my dad’s fast and furious journey with cancer was exactly that. Being SO sick all of a sudden is clearly a sign of how much he ‘put up with’ – discomfort, pain, you name it – as his normal way of being.  Sadly, my father passed away this week  .  The tribute I wrote for him on Facebook included the following:

“So many coulda, woulda, shouldas ‘can’ make us think things would have been better IF…but in that, we forget to relish in all life’s beauty, no matter what. Dad’s simplicity of acceptance brings me peace.”

Yes, I try to always look for the bright side of life even if it’s sometimes really hard to find it. If you’ve lost a parent, then I’m positive you received many lessons and gifts during the process. I’m definitelyIN IT NOW, feeling all sorts of emotions and rejecting to feel too (like maybe now). I’m trusting that this is taking me to a greater depth in my own heart and with others, and I have more than enough tools, family members and friends to support me when I need it. I’m actually humbled and very grateful for the abundance of love I feel right now.

WE CANNOT CHANGE WHAT WE CANNOT SEE

As time passes, I’m sure I’ll tell you more about my dad and his unique personality. What I may share too are some of the emotional hooks I saw in myself since I had the opportunity to be closer to him. This closeness began just after the New Year, when I received his Skype call from Nicaragua, during which he agreed to do tapping with me about the terrible back pain he was experiencing. As we hung up, I had a very bad feeling. I could feel into him. This was much more than a bad back…

Perhaps you will relate to some of what I share, for “child – parent” patterns can be so ingrained, it’s sometimes hard to see them.

Certainly, family personality traits are accentuated during times of crises. Sometimes it takes them coming out in their worse forms to really notice them. As unpleasant as it can be, I’d rather see them clearly, address them when ready, and go on living my life more freely instead of having them potentially cause havoc subconsciously.

With EFT, and lots of LOVE, I know I’ll be able to see more and more beauty in his death, instead of dwelling on the woulda, coulda, shoulda wishes I still feel (between him and me, family members, his loved one, and his decisions about protocol etc.) While part of me is still numb by all the events, I also feel greater peace for he is finally out of pain. His last few days were filled with so much suffering, and knowing him and his very high pain tolerance, it had to be really bad 

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